I worked on this drawing of a Barred Owl a few months ago when I first started wondering if something might be going wrong with my pregnancy, about a month before my miscarriage. Owl is a guide in the otherworld.
This healing process has been strange. Grief and confusion in the beginning, letting go of baby dreams. I was almost 12 weeks, almost to that second trimester mark. Telling Riona was heartbreaking. And now, I am jogging, working, creating, mothering…all the things I love to do and I’m fine. Then suddenly I’ll see a photo of a newborn or a young man that might look like my son someday and I’m crying as if my heart has burst. Then as quick as it came, it’s gone. And it’s back to business as usual.
Jasmine, the owl in the photo above…is a rescued Barred Owl living at the Cochran Mill Nature Center out here in west Georgia. Her eyes followed me wherever I went. She watched me so intently it sent chills down my spine. I don’t understand bird body language very well…but after I bowed my head to her for a bit she seemed to relax. I don’t understand it yet but I know I was in the presence of a great one.
Owl totem is here to let me know that my little one is ok in the spirit world and that I can grieve however I need to, whenever I need to. And that she will help me.