Journal: Erik Bear (Bjorn)

I went to my community meditation and was able to connect with one of my oldest and dearest Guides but one who I actually don’t know much about.

Northern lights.

Hug. Furs. Large, beard. He saw me with love but he also saw his wife, me from a past life.

I hugged him, he held me close under his chin. He was easy, comfortable, mine. I knew he was brutal too though. Not to me but in life.

I asked him about tarot reading and he reminded me that I was a village wise woman. I could see myself through his eyes, messy dirty blond hair, the dress. I wasn’t necessarily a high ranking shaman or mystic but the people in my village often came to me for spiritual help. The Lynx was my guide, my companion in that life.

He gave me an amethyst ball.

Journal: Rose Bush

We planted our rose bush before our daughter was born.

I had a dream I was sitting under the rose bush, the leaves are starting to come out but not full yet. I was talking to it, so happy and loving that the vines I had rooted were taking root. Worms, sitting close to the thorns, watching the worms and all that rich dirt. My daughter was sitting above me looking down, she was little, toddler age and her boots were supported against the rose bush. It was such a sweet moment.

Journal:Amethyst dreams

In my twenties, I dreamed that I was walking through the woods and there were small streams of amethyst with larger crystal structures around. It was enchanting and I woke up feeling their magick and beauty. I’ve never forgotten that dream.

In another dream I had last year, my house had a high dome ceiling and it was wonderful to fly and not worry about other people seeing me. Usually in my dreams, I can fly very high and wherever I want but I have to stay hidden from other humans. When I landed I found a quiet corner and there was a tall amethyst rock, like a geode, grey on the outside, that cracked vertically. I took the pieces apart like a puzzle and inside were thin sheets of amethyst. I held them up to the light and sang to them. My voice was their voice. I was an amethyst fairy. It felt wonderful…light and sweet, kind and centered.  

Journal: Cougar Vision

The night before last I pulled the Cougar card for my psychic journey. Before sleep, I had a vision that Bast, the great cougar swallowed me up and released me into the cosmos. At first, I thought why am I here, what am I here to learn? Then, I became my Isa aquamarine dragon and soared higher, farther. When I got far out into the stars, I settled in and just floated, enjoying the quiet of thinking and doing nothing.

Journal: Isa, stillness

Today I went to my community meditation group. I had anxiety on the way. I’ve had anxiety for a few weeks now. The physical symptoms are starting to wane since the opening and releasing of my heart chakra last night. It was a guided meditation where we went to our sacred place and a light bring came to us. Joy.  Mine was a dragon, light blue energy dragon. 

He held me with great tenderness. I went up into him, his great pale blue light. Tethered. Baby steps. Then we shifted in my form but in blue energy and slowly drifted down. My dragon didn’t leave me rather we stayed together as one. I went to Joy and slowly took my bodily form again. I asked him his name and thought Ice. Isa. Isa. 


Journal: Hekate

This summer has been brutal, twisting me up inside, challenging me in a thousand ways. I called to Hekate in a bald, ugly moment of despair, the sun beating down on my shoulders and she answered.

I didn’t understand at first, snakes on my pathway through the woods, snakes in my dreams but then a copperhead sat coiled next to the water spigot and I nearly touched her. She was calm, watching me. We moved her to the woods on a pitchfork chariot and later…finally…I decided to contemplate snake energy.

I came across the image of the Wheel of Hekate. Strophalos.

In my dark hour, I called for Hekate and she answered. I called her once before when I was young and stuck in an abusive relationship. I sang to her, a low weird gutteral song as I walked in unfamiliar woods. She comforted me then, but now, over twenty years later I am ready to walk with her.

Journal:The Coming of Fall

Mabon is coming up, the fall equinox and summer will finally be over.

This is a liminal time for me. I have made discoveries and I am moving toward a new understanding of myself.

The courses that I am taking with Sal Jade on Udemy are helping to put the pieces together. I have worked with my gifts haphazardly over the years and now I know that I am mostly clairvoyant because I see images and sometimes symbols. I also think that most of this ability is blocked because I have very little control over it and my dreams are full of unasked knowledge and images of other people’s lives.

I dream about people being murdered, trafficked for sex and I see it in great detail. I dream of their everyday lives too, small things but so detailed. In my dreams, I can recall faces more vividly than I have ever been able to in waking life.

I have walked in the spirit realm to find guidance for myself as well as a few others. I am more comfortable walking there for animals and although I would prefer my gift to be focused on animals, it seems that I dream mainly of humans.

Journal: Past life regression, September 2019

I completed this course on Udemy, Remove blocks to Psychic Power with Past Life Therapy . 

Last night I came to the past life regression part of this very helpful and well crafted course. Her meditation was different than others I’ve done in the past because she helps you pinpoint the life that is causing difficulties and blocks in your present life. To be honest, I was expecting something to do with a a different past life I had been exploring but as I was relaxing and opening my heart to the messages of my Guardians, I suddenly saw a swastika symbol flash behind my eyelids. I was red and black lit up from behind by white light. And my first thought was no, not this. I’ve always felt that I was involved in this war somehow. I’ve had dreams and knowings, and a dear friend, years ago, dreamed of us together, running…fleeing something terrible in this landscape.

I don’t always see a lot when I meditate on past lives. I saw my own legs, thin and grey or maybe grey pants and I was standing by a brick building, reddish with dark grey trim. Suddenly I felt a shock to my forehead and I jerked back involuntarily. It almost brought me out of the meditative state but I knew this was a gunshot. I knew this was the past life that is related to psychic blockages and probably blocks in life in general.

My eldest sister drew the Fox card and I see it as related to this experience. Fox knows when to keep her secrets close and when to be open with the world. I tend to keep my secrets close. I have always been transparent about my spirituality. I have been a witch since I was twenty years old, but I am also reserved and I see the world as a dangerous place for those who live their truth, if their truth doesn’t align with the majority.

While this sort of caution is completely reasonable in this world and even required to survive, I also see it as connected to this past life and I understand how it has held my psychic abilities back.

What I saw in meditation was extremely similar to the Death Wall at Auschwitz Birkenau.  (Yard of Block 11 for image).

This meditation brought a difficult melange of emotions to process. I am still processing them today.