Journal: War dream

I dreamed about being a large house, I think it was an orphanage or children’s home because all the children lived upstairs. An invading army came through, went upstairs and attacked the children. We couldn’t stop them. Many of the children were mutilated, in particular their legs. They had killed our horses too.

We helped the surviving children as well as we could. Bandaging them up, teaching them how to ride horses again so we could flee. This happened over a period of months so I think we were in hiding somewhere.

Many years later, I was working undercover for a company that was secretly funding the invading country. I was there with my best friend and confidante, a cranky skinny old woman. we were both very skinny. We only ate what we had to, and saved the rest for those who needed it. I was fussing at her, “have you eaten anything today at all?” and she would say yes, yes i have. “I don’t believe you, what have you eaten?” it was the end of the day, in the evening. “I had two stewed tomatoes earlier in the day!” she said hotly and i just shook my head because who can live on only two stewed tomatoes for the whole day?

At one point, I walked outside the building I worked in and there were gently rolling green hills all around and I remember thinking so this is what this area looked like before industrialization. So, I must have been lucid at this point. I saw a delivery truck pulling in and thought, maybe 1930s?

I woke up confused and realized I had been biting the inside of my cheek.

Journal: Erik Bear (Bjorn)

I went to my community meditation and was able to connect with one of my oldest and dearest Guides but one who I actually don’t know much about.

Northern lights.

Hug. Furs. Large, beard. He saw me with love but he also saw his wife, me from a past life.

I hugged him, he held me close under his chin. He was easy, comfortable, mine. I knew he was brutal too though. Not to me but in life.

I asked him about tarot reading and he reminded me that I was a village wise woman. I could see myself through his eyes, messy dirty blond hair, the dress. I wasn’t necessarily a high ranking shaman or mystic but the people in my village often came to me for spiritual help. The Lynx was my guide, my companion in that life.

He gave me an amethyst ball.

Journal: Rose Bush

We planted our rose bush before our daughter was born.

I had a dream I was sitting under the rose bush, the leaves are starting to come out but not full yet. I was talking to it, so happy and loving that the vines I had rooted were taking root. Worms, sitting close to the thorns, watching the worms and all that rich dirt. My daughter was sitting above me looking down, she was little, toddler age and her boots were supported against the rose bush. It was such a sweet moment.

Journal:Amethyst dreams

In my twenties, I dreamed that I was walking through the woods and there were small streams of amethyst with larger crystal structures around. It was enchanting and I woke up feeling their magick and beauty. I’ve never forgotten that dream.

In another dream I had last year, my house had a high dome ceiling and it was wonderful to fly and not worry about other people seeing me. Usually in my dreams, I can fly very high and wherever I want but I have to stay hidden from other humans. When I landed I found a quiet corner and there was a tall amethyst rock, like a geode, grey on the outside, that cracked vertically. I took the pieces apart like a puzzle and inside were thin sheets of amethyst. I held them up to the light and sang to them. My voice was their voice. I was an amethyst fairy. It felt wonderful…light and sweet, kind and centered.  

Journal: Cougar Vision

The night before last I pulled the Cougar card for my psychic journey. Before sleep, I had a vision that Bast, the great cougar swallowed me up and released me into the cosmos. At first, I thought why am I here, what am I here to learn? Then, I became my Isa aquamarine dragon and soared higher, farther. When I got far out into the stars, I settled in and just floated, enjoying the quiet of thinking and doing nothing.

Journal: Isa, stillness

Today I went to my community meditation group. I had anxiety on the way. I’ve had anxiety for a few weeks now. The physical symptoms are starting to wane since the opening and releasing of my heart chakra last night. It was a guided meditation where we went to our sacred place and a light bring came to us. Joy.  Mine was a dragon, light blue energy dragon. 

He held me with great tenderness. I went up into him, his great pale blue light. Tethered. Baby steps. Then we shifted in my form but in blue energy and slowly drifted down. My dragon didn’t leave me rather we stayed together as one. I went to Joy and slowly took my bodily form again. I asked him his name and thought Ice. Isa. Isa. 


Journal: Hekate

This summer has been brutal, twisting me up inside, challenging me in a thousand ways. I called to Hekate in a bald, ugly moment of despair, the sun beating down on my shoulders and she answered.

I didn’t understand at first, snakes on my pathway through the woods, snakes in my dreams but then a copperhead sat coiled next to the water spigot and I nearly touched her. She was calm, watching me. We moved her to the woods on a pitchfork chariot and later…finally…I decided to contemplate snake energy.

I came across the image of the Wheel of Hekate. Strophalos.

In my dark hour, I called for Hekate and she answered. I called her once before when I was young and stuck in an abusive relationship. I sang to her, a low weird gutteral song as I walked in unfamiliar woods. She comforted me then, but now, over twenty years later I am ready to walk with her.